Ever since learning of the passing of Robin Williams a few day ago, I knew that I wanted to write a blog post about it. I've been thinking about it, crying, thinking about it some more, following the news, etc. The world continues to be stunned and saddened by his sudden departure from this world. I mean, who hasn't seen at least one Robin Williams movie at some point in their life? Who hasn't been affected in some way by this brilliant and talented man? He made us laugh. He made us cry. He made us think.
The news about his suicide has hit me particularly hard. Harder than a celebrity's death generally does. Mostly it's because of how he died and my own personal experiences with depression and suicide. Everybody dies. It's part of life. Even knowing that, it's always still a shock when someone is just suddenly gone. We're sad because we miss them. But it's so much more sad when they choose to end their own life. I can't help but wonder how much pain he was in to make that decision and follow through on it.
I am a deeply religious person. My personal belief is that only God can decide when it's your time to go. It's not for us to play God and end our own lives. But even though I don't condone suicide, I understand it. I spent many years dealing with clinical depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I understand the feelings of hopelessness that can drive a person to end it all. What saved me from going through with it was a knowledge of a life beyond this world. I knew that I wouldn't just cease to exist. That my spirit would continue on and I would have to observe the pain I caused those I left behind. I have been the recipient of that pain. I know how that feels, as well.
Both my uncle and my grandfather took their own lives. The aftermath was horrific. Both physically and emotionally. It's a horrible thing to go through, having someone you love leave this life that way. But you don't think about anyone else when you are feeling that desperate. You just want the pain to end. That's all you can think about. The pain and making it stop. Just thinking back to where I was at that time in my life, when I felt so deep in the dark black abyss, makes me feel like crying. I felt so alone, even with people all around me who loved me. I just couldn't get out from under the heavy fog that was constantly hovering over my head, everywhere I went. I forgot how to be happy. I'd look around at other people who were laughing and smiling and I couldn't figure out how to be like that.
How ironic that Robin Williams was so good at making everybody else happy and yet he struggled to be happy himself. I think that's why everyone was so shocked. He seemed happy so how could he be so unhappy? He was an amazing actor. Some are better at masking it than others. It's quite common for loved ones to not have any clue that someone is fighting depression. Thankfully my mother recognized it and encouraged me to get help. I'm so thankful that I'm here today and that I'm mentally a lot healthier. I think back on all of the things I have experienced in my life since that time that I would have missed out on had I followed through on my suicidal thoughts. So many experiences. So many memories. So much happiness.
If you are experiencing feelings of hopelessness, intense grief, suicidal thoughts, or mental anguish -- please, I beg of you, talk to someone. Anyone who will listen and take you seriously. And don't stop talking until someone does take you seriously. There is help. There is hope. I am proof that things can get better, that life is worth living. You still have so much life ahead and I promise, the rest of it doesn't all have to be spent in the dark. There is light at the end of the tunnel. Just keep moving toward it. Find something or someone to focus on and keep moving toward it. Whether that's a friend, family member, spouse, children, God, Jesus, your pet, whatever.
Robin Williams is obviously not the only person to successfully commit suicide. People take their own lives everyday. His just happens to be high profile. But if one good thing can come out of it, maybe it's that we can start talking more about depression, mental health, suicide, etc. My blog mostly deals with physical health, but we are spiritual beings having a physical experience. It's all connected.
I plan to write a follow up post to this one where we can dive in more on how intrinsically connected our spiritual and mental health is to our physical health.
Stay tuned to this Bat channel...
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