Judge Not, Lest Ye Be Judged

In the Bible, God gives us a commandment not to judge. Throughout my life, He has presented me with many opportunities to learn this commandment the hard way. Just remember, you don't always know what is going on behind closed doors.

Or behind the outer shell of someone's body...

Our Own Worst Critic

I learned long ago not to judge based on appearance. Or, at least I thought I had learned it. As a young girl, I would go to church and see everyone dressed in their Sunday best, clean and well mannered (at least as well mannered as kids can manage for a couple hours under the constant scrutiny of parents and teachers). As I grew older and had children of my own, I started to compare myself to all of the moms I saw at church. They seemed so put together. I assumed that they were as organized and well coiffed at home during the week and that their homes must be, as well. I thought I was the only one who was struggling just to get out of bed in the morning due to depression (stay tuned for another blog post about that).

Then I attended a Relief Society class (that is the Mormon Women's Organization). The teacher had us move our seats from the usual rows into a big circle with all of the chairs up against the walls and facing in toward each other. Then she had each of us in turn tell what we thought our best attribute or feature was, something we were most proud about ourselves. After we were done, she talked about how we probably felt very inadequate because we had just listened to a room full of women talk about all the great things each of them had shared about themselves. She pointed out that we do a great disservice to ourselves because we judge ourselves by the one best attribute of everyone we know. We expect ourselves to be ALL of those best things instead of realizing that each of those women have plenty of other things that they aren't good at. Just like us.



That was a life changing moment for me. One of those "lightbulb" moments we often hear about. I have never forgotten it. And when I start to be particularly hard on myself, I just remember that moment. From then on, I started looking at my fellow sisters in the world and realizing that we don't know how each of those women are during the rest of the week. Probably just as disheveled and disorganized as me. Probably fighting a battle we have no idea about. So we shouldn't judge someone by how primped and powdered they look on Sunday and assume they are perfect. 

Nor should we judge someone by their appearance and assume that they don't care how they look.




Painful Lessons

I learned a valuable lesson about this last year. I have struggled with my weight my entire adult life. Unfortunately, often when we struggle with something, we mistakenly believe we own the market on wisdom on that particular subject. We project on to others based on our own experiences.

WE NEED TO STOP DOING THAT!!

Here is what I learned last year: 

I broke my ribs. One on each side of my body in my lower back. I wish I had an exciting story of how it happened. 

I don't. 

Let's just say that when you hear "people" tell you to lift with your legs and not your back, that is what they are talking about.

I was laid up for months and months and I just wasn't healing. Eventually the doctor discovered a Vitamin D deficiency, got me on megadoses and I finally started healing. I was laid up in bed and extremely sedentary. Since I was unable to exercise and get the much needed endorphin rush, I turned to food (especially chocolate) for the brain chemical buzz. The combination of lack of movement and too much food added up to a significant weight gain. When I was home in bed, it didn't bother me. But if I had to go out in public for some reason, I felt every pound. 

And. Every. Eye. On. Me. 

Invisible Injuries

I thought about the fact that I had an unseen, invisible injury that had made it impossible to exercise. And without exercise, I tend to not eat healthily. It got me thinking about all the overweight people I had ever judged in my life. Even when I was overweight myself I would still look at other people and assume that they had a similar problem as me, such as lack of motivation or food addiction. What I never understood until I was in the situation myself, was that you have no idea what people are dealing with that make them the way they are.


You don't know... 

If people are chronically ill. 
If they have an injury you can't see. 
If they are depressed or mentally ill.
If they have a super slow metabolism. 
If they struggle with some kind of addiction. 
If they are on medication that makes them gain weight. 
If they are super skinny and their metabolism is super high and they can't gain weight.

You just don't know. So don't judge.

I learned a very valuable lesson about not judging. Until you've walked in another person's shoes, you have no right to play judge and jury. Only God can judge because only God truly knows our trials and weaknesses. 

And our hearts.


Laura